


a life that faces death

by seraf



Series: fundamentally people [6]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Bonding, Confronting Emotions, Emotional Baggage, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gay Chabashira Tenko, Hope's Peak Academy, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trauma, Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Dangan Ronpa), trans tenko, unlikely friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:16:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraf/pseuds/seraf
Summary: some things are hard to think, and harder still to say.tenko has had a method of getting them off her chest nonetheless for awhile now. she passes it on to kiyo, who she has a feeling needs it.





	a life that faces death

‘ kiyo! ‘

the sharp voice makes him sit upright suddenly, brows drawn together with something between bewilderment and curiosity – the source is someone who wouldn’t usually talk to him. tenko and he have no particular _animosity_ between them, per se. ever since she had found out that he wasn’t actually a degenerate male, she tended not to lump him in with the boys of their class in her sweeping derisive statements about them, but she still found him as creepy nonetheless.

( understandable, he thought – many of their class did. )

‘ . . . tenko? ‘ he asks, and his voice is polite, but his confusion shows. what could she possibly want with him? she doesn’t seem inclined to explain, instead grabbing him by the wrist and tugging him up off of the cafeteria bench, pulling him behind her with the single-mindedness she seems to have as a talent in and of itself. he can hear kokichi cackling from behind him as he leans over and snags kiyo’s dessert off his abandoned plate. ‘ tenko, your enthusiasm is exemplary, as always, but where are you bringing me? ‘

‘ the dojo, of course! ‘ she says, as though it’s supposed to be self obvious.

‘ ah, ‘ he responds, deiciding to just let the tempest of fate ( and tenko ) pull him wherever it felt content to, ‘ of course. ‘ there appears to be no aid coming for him from their classmates, either – looking back towards the table earns him a sympathetic grimace from shuichi, and kokichi snickering again, but no one gets up to rescue him.

understandable, he supposes. tenko can be quite intimidating, and he isn’t well-liked enough for them to get between her and her goal.

still holding him by the wrist, she sets off at a brisk pace, out of the dining hall and out, crossing one of the lawns, forgoing the path entirely in favor of the shorter route over the grass. it’s still early enough in the day that the dew clings to the leaves, and he begins to become aware of his feet becoming damp, and wrinkles his nose with displeasure.

he still has no idea what she could want from him.

the door to the dojo shuts, and that still hasn’t changed. for a terrifying second, he wonders if she might have figured out the vague plans he has – of which of the girls in their grade might be good friends for sister, how he might be able to enact the plans therein, what the innocuous sounding phrase really means. were she to discover that, kiyo wonders if he would need to fear for his life.

an intriguing question.

but . . . there’s no aggression to her actions. tenko is the sort to wear her emotions on her sleeve, bold and forthright, and proud of it. it’s always been something he’s admired. he can’t imagine that. how many of them in his class, in the classes of the upperclassmen, have dug themselves into holes too deep to get out of because they’re incapable of showing emotion or vulnerability properly?

she seems to be working something over, breathing in and settling her shoulders as she steps away from him, and then looks at him with a determined nod, fists clenched. ‘ kiyo! ‘

he blinks at her. ‘ . . . . tenko. ‘

she points at him aggressively. ‘ you need to get some things off of your chest! i can tell, you know. like i said before . . . i can read people who i spar with. ‘

ah, yes. a few days ago, he had startled her by stepping up behind her, and she had flipped him promptly. he’s intrigued to find out that she had managed to get some kind of a read on him just from that – shuichi had said she had done something similar to him, but he had been purposefully vague about what tenko had seen in him. ‘ you’ve mentioned as much, yes. i’ve always thought it was part of what must make you the ultimate aikido master – your true understanding of the craft to the point where you can understand people through it. ‘ he cradles himself, slim fingers digging into his ribs. ‘ what did you see, then? ‘

she looks a little troubled, rubbing her upper arm.

‘ you . . . there’s something wrong with you. ‘

  1. he supposes she isn’t _wrong,_ per se. but . . . it’s a little harsh, hearing it stated that simply aloud. ‘ . . . i see. well, i suppose you aren’t wrong. can you . . . what do you mean, though? ‘ where does one even start, with him?



she shrugged, a little uncomfortably. ‘ you’re . . . it almost seems as though you aren’t really alive. like . . . for a second you felt like a corpse. i can’t tell if it’s because something happened to you or you’re sick, or if it’s just . . . you don’t _want_ to be alive. but something is – it doesn’t feel right, kiyo. ‘ she looks uncomfortable even for the asking, but – ‘ are you . . . y’know, okay? ‘

‘ oh, absolutely not, ‘ kiyo says dismissively. there’s another reason, he knows, why he might feel dead to her. sister dwells within him, after all. ‘ anything else? ‘

‘ there’s a lot you’re not saying or feeling – not even to yourself. you won’t let yourself. and that’s not good! you need to be able to express your emotions! that’s only healthy! ‘ her voice is raised, and he holds himself, fingers clenching a little bit for the loud noise. he takes half a step back, carefully, boots barely rising from the ground.

‘ so . . . why bring me here? this seems as though it was a discussion that could easily be held just outside of the dining hall, for example, ‘ kiyo asks, a tiny bit peeved at her seemingly having dragged him here for nothing.

‘ well, it’s not just that i wanted to say i felt that! ‘ tenko exclaims. ‘ there’s an exercise i do sometimes that i thought might help you. ‘ she turns to face the large statue that apparently watches over her dojo, and shuts her eyes, fists clenched by her sides. he’s expecting something physical, so he’s taken aback when her eyes open and she just _yells,_ shouting ‘ i wish himiko didn’t think i was creepy! ‘

she turns to look back at him. ‘ like that. just – look at him and shout out anything that’s frustrating you! there’s no one listening but us, and we don’t have to talk about anything you say if you don’t want to. that’s my promise as a woman. ‘ her chin juts up fiercely, and he can understand that for her, that’s . . . quite a promise.

he looks up at the statue.

anything that frustrates him, huh? well . . . he’s been interested in coming into the dojo for some time now, or seeing what tenko’s training involves. he supposes this can be a form of observation. he thinks about it like that. he _has_ to, frankly, otherwise he doesn’t think he can muster the willpower in himself to do this.

he takes a deep breath and looks up at the statue.

‘ i wish people took an interest in my studies instead of finding them creepy! ‘

she nods at him approvingly. ‘ good! like you really mean it! ‘ her stance squares, and she shouts again. ‘ i’m tired of the teachers being so lenient with teruteru’s creepiness! ‘

‘ kaito shouldn’t keep using homophobic slurs, and i wish his friends corrected him on it! ‘

‘ it feels like no one listens to me because i’m too aggressive! ‘

‘ i wish it felt like everyone here was my friends! i’m pretty sure you all hate me! ‘

‘ i wish my parents were willing to see me as a girl! ‘

‘ rantaro is one of the only people who talks to me like a person! i wish he wasn’t always gone! ‘

‘ people keep saying i’m a misandrist! ‘

‘ people keep saying i’ve got a sister complex, no matter how many times i tell them i don’t like it! they treat me and her both like jokes, and i’m tired of it! ‘

‘ kokichi gets away with anything, and i’m sick and tired of it! ‘

‘ sometimes i feel lonely! but i can’t, not without worrying i’m hurting her feelings! ‘

‘ i’m tired of people making fun of me for saying ‘degenerate male’!’

‘ sometimes i don’t want to look like this! sometimes i want to change my body entirely! ‘

‘ no one believes me when i tell them about hifumi trying to take pictures up the girls’ skirts under the bleachers! i’m tired of being seen as paranoid! i saw him! ‘

kiyo’s cheeks burn. he’s unused to yelling anything, let alone this much, and it’s beginning to turn his voice even more raspy than usual. his knuckles seem to be locked into fists, and it _feels_ like he’s about to fight someone.

he stares blankly at the wooden figure against the wall of the dojo, as though it might be able to answer him. ‘ i wish . . . sometimes i wish that she had died sooner. ‘

tenko looks at him, something unreadable in her eyes, but she just turns back, her own voice no longer raised, either. ‘ i wish that i didn’t feel like it was wrong to be a girl, attracted to other girls. i wish that i could just really be as confident about it as i seem, sometimes. ‘

the tension slumps out of his shoulders.

‘ i wish i had succeeded, when i got hospitalized for the first time. i wish they had gone the extra few feet, and asphyxiated me for just a few seconds longer. i don’t know if i still want to be here. ‘ he isn’t looking at her. she isn’t looking at him.

‘ i wish people could understand that i have my own reasons for not trusting men, rather than making fun of me all the time for it. i don’t want to _have_ to justify it. people shouldn’t need to see what went wrong with my life to try and understand that. ‘

‘ i wish – ‘ even just voicing it sounds dangerous. his eyes stay trained on the wooden statue. he feels like if he looks away, the moment will shatter. but here and now, the only person in his head is him. ‘ i wish she had loved me differently. i wish she was just my sister. ‘

the quiet in the dojo is resounding as he and tenko both stand there, exhaustion slowly seeping into their bones. objectively, nothing they did should be that tiring – they were just standing there, after all. but kiyo almost feels muddled with tiredness, uncertainty. doubt. his eyes flash to tenko briefly, and fear suddenly blossoms in his chest, bright and hot.

what if – what if tenko passed on what she had heard? what if he had ruined everything? he shouldn’t have done this. how does he know she’ll keep her word? he doesn’t – he can’t –

but tenko just looks at him, unjudging. ‘ feel better? ‘ she asks, resting her hands on her hips.

he considers it.

most of those things . . . some of them, he’s never even let himself _think_ before, let alone say them aloud, let alone with the knowledge someone was listening. but he had just – said them. he had gotten them off his chest, _finally._ they existed . . . outside of the deepest corners of his mind.

it feels like there’s a physical weight gone from his shoulders, he finds, with some surprise.

‘ . . . yes, ‘ he says, and it seems like she can tell he’s surprised from his voice.

she nods, confidently. ‘ told you. ‘ she stretches out a hand to him, rough with callouses from years of intense fighter’s training. ‘ come on! let’s get back to lunch. himiko’s class ended a bit ago, and i don’t want to miss her! ‘

after a pause, he slides their fingers together, looking away from her, but just the simple action shoots warmth through him. ‘ might i recall that you were the one to bring us here in the first place? ‘


End file.
